So critics don’t like Batman v Superman- as in they really, really don’t like it. Rotten Tomatoes currently has the superhero blockbuster rated at 29% based on an average of 249 reviews, with most critics scoring the film at about 5/10.

Now, a lot of people quote Rotten Tomatoes’ score aggregate, but it really means very little in the grand scheme of things. We have to be objective here, really, and can anyone honestly say BvS is really worse than any of these offenders?

Yahoo

Yahoo

This is not to say BvS is not a muddled, confused, overwrought mess that could have been a really good movie- and that bugs me.

  1. Twilight (48% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Shiny, sexed-up, super strong, indestructible vampires versus Gal Gadot with a sword and a snarl? We can probably call this one- whatever flaws BvS has, it definitely is no Twilight. BvS features subtle commentaries on society, the nature of political administration, man’s need for idols and heroes, while the best hidden meaning we can get from Twilight is that heavy, broody stares will totally make girls fall for you. Oh, and it’s ok to kind of be a pedophile as long as you appear to be physically the same age as your intended paramour.

2. Click (32%)

We refuse to entertain the idea that Adam Sandler could ever woo Kate Beckinsale. That’s about as likely as Marvel paying off reviewers to bash BvS!

Click is good for a few laughs at a family dinner night, but as far as being a critical masterpiece goes, it’s far from it. A riff on the traditional ‘ghost of Christmas Past’ genre trope, the movie did fairly well with most casual viewers but won’t be winning an Oscar anytime soon.

3. 102 Dalmatians (31%)

How they even got poor Glenn Close to agree to do this tragedy of a sequel is beyond us. Like most of the classic Disney films unfortunate enough to get a ‘2’ at the end of their names (Mulan 2, Lion King 2, Beauty and The Beast 2… wait, that last one isn’t actually a movie- yet.), 102 Dalmatians was a trainwreck to say the least. Gotta play something for the cousins at CNY or Raya, right?

4. What A Girl Wants (35%)

Amanda Bynes pre-breakdown was still not enough to save this stinker from itself. But is it better than Bruce Wayne oh-so-subtly flirting with Diana Prince?

Probably not.

5. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (33%)

Yeap, the first one.

Paul Blart is a mallcop defending the right of the average American to exercise their constitutional right to shop till they drop against a gang of BMX riders. While we do suppose he stands for truth, justice, and the American Way, his signature Segway would send Bruce Wayne crying straight back to the Batmobile in horror.

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