by Ashley Li

It’s the time of year where we’re all about that ‘new year, new me’ life. A lot of people talk about shedding the dead weight and breaking up with their significant others, or maybe you’ve been dumped. We’re looking for the silver lining here.

Personally, I think you’re allowed to have a bit of a grace period between ‘breaking up’ and ‘moving on’. That being said, you should probably try to stay classy about this. We’ve all heard the stories: my ex was a psycho, I dated this one person who was kind of crazy, so and so did this to their ex. It’s gossip, it’s fun to hear about but not so fun to live through it.

Sometimes, you look back and you think – wow, I dodged a bullet. Heck, I’ve been the crazy ex before; rehabilitation is possible. Here are five handy-dandy signs to help you on your journey of realization, and maybe – feel better about your ex pulling all sorts of stunts.

Everyone Knows Everything
There’s a difference between venting to your friends and venting on social media, we all know that. Venting to your friends is achieving some sort of catharsis, looking for an outlet so that you can eventually get it all out of your system. Venting on social media? Very petty. When your account’s public, it’s even worse. Your entire readership now knows that you hold grudges, and that’s not great for your personal branding.

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Why You Gotta Fight Me?
The relationship is over, but y’all still fighting the same argument. One sign that your ex (or you, no judgement) might be just a little bit crazy is that post-breakup, they continue to spam you and pick fights with you. Whether it’s message after message, phone calls or demands to meet in person to ‘hash things out’ – this is a huge red flag.

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Stalker, No Stalking!
Even while in a relationship, you’re entitled to your own privacy. Whatever boundaries you have, you make them clear and you stay firm. That being said, whatever you do after the relationship is over is completely your business. A sure sign of an obsessive ex? They check up on you. Constantly. Whether it’s harassing your friends, family, colleagues – or straight up checking all your accounts for your movements, it looks bad. Honey, you might need some therapy.

Breakups tend to be a bit of a ‘he said, she said’ kind of deal, but whenever there are mutual friends, children or animals involved – things can get really messy. When your ex goes out of their way to smear your name like they’re running a political campaign, something’s up. I mean, we’re all adults, right? In adult consensual relationships: People should have the option to make their own decisions about their friends. Eh, not for them. Hooray for social politics!

Et Tu, Brutus?
Your ex is bitter. We know this. We know that breakups often lead to emotional turmoil. Your ex wants you to know that they are either a) 100% not okay with this or b) that they’re doing so much better without ‘the dead weight’. Whether they’re sending you guilt-trip paragraphs or bombarding you with photographs of how great they’re doing – there’s only one goal in mind: to emotionally hurt you. It’s less eye for an eye, than it is ‘if I’m going down, you’re coming with me’ but the outcome is the same. It looks dirty, and is the equivalent of an anti-boner.

I don’t know what your orientation is, but if your ex was jealous and possessive during the relationship – what makes you think that’s going to stop now? There’s a difference between fighting for what’s yours and jumping at shadows. This kind of paranoia normally comes from severe trauma or insecurity, so you’ve been warned. Be wary of the ex that harasses you about the other people in your life – remember: you’re not with them, you don’t owe them.

Hey, don’t feel bad if you see some of these traits in yourself. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery! Also, if you feel personally attacked by some of these descriptions – siapa makan cili, rasa pedas. Tell me about your crazy exes (except if I’ve dated you, then I’m sorry).