BY M. Jefry
Humans like to bone, and sometimes we get it on in the weirdest places and situations. As part of our ongoing #TheHARDQuestions campaign, we thought a little light reading would be in order given the amount of heavy stuff we’re putting out, so prepare to laugh and more than likely, cringe at some of these sphincter-tightening sex injury stories!
Weird Sex Injuries
Car Crash Penis Bite
I’m sure most of y’all are familiar with the term Road head. It’s one thing to indulge in a kink every once awhile, but one Chinese couple got a little too lost in the moment to remember that they were in a moving automobile. To their (or more of the guy, really) dismay, a van had rear ended the vehicle as it was in motion, causing the woman’s jaw to snap close onto his penis. Things only got worse as the whole thing was witnessed by a private eye who was hired by the woman’s husband to catch her cheating.
Hickey From Hell
Lovebites are a common theme on the stage of sex. Sure, a little bruise here and there can be a nice reminder of a fun time, but it did you know it can also leave you permanently scarred? A woman from New Zealand suffered paralysis in her left arm after receiving a lovebite. Her man had sucked so hard on her neck that it caused a blood clot to form in an artery. Fortunately, she received immediate treatment before the damage was permanent, so don’t choke on your laugh.
A Little Chilli Down Under
For the fairer sex, this one may be a little chilly. Or should I say chilli? Ever got chilli flakes up your nose or your eyes? If you have, you’d know that it stings like a bee. Well, a not-so-smart man decided to take his girlfriend out for Indian cuisine. Needless to say, the date was going well for him when they decided to head back to his place. Now, spicing up your sex life at the beginning of a relationship does seem a little too soon, but that’s exactly what happened. The man decided he was in the mood for dessert as he went down on his lady, only to accidentally burn her sensitive parts with his tongue. Ouch.
Between A Rock and His Hard Place
This next one is a little strange. Spicing up your sex life isn’t an issue as long as actual spices aren’t involved, but do some people take it too far? A 20-year-old man was hospitalized after complaining of some pain up his bum. After an examination, doctors were horrified to find a stony hard mass lodged up his behind. The story’ behind” this is that his partner and him agreed to pour concrete mix where the sun don’t shine while they were fooling around. Lucky for him, the concrete was removed with ease by doctors. I only wonder what they must have thought.
An Unluckily Lucky Man
When you get ambitious in the bedroom, things can easily go awry. Take the case of a Chinese man named Chung Yeh, who decided to bring two female paramours into his car in Wenzhou for a little vehicular threesome. Unfortunately for Yeh, during the festivities someone kicked the parking brake, causing the car to start rolling downhill. The car smashed into a tree, trapping both of the women inside. Yeh, clad in his underwear, climbed out and signaled for help, and it took two dozen firefighters and the Jaws of Life to get his partners free.
A Fat Chance
Many girls say they like a man with a bit of pudge around the waist cause they’re more comfortable to cuddle with. However, obesity causes many problems, and some even to your sexual partner. One obese man accidentally smashed his girlfriend’s head through a sheet-rock wall as he was losing his virginity. The force of his weight thrusted against her pushed her through the wall, and she developed severe headaches and concussions after the incident.
Head and Butt
A man once had a lady friend come visit him on a farm he was working on. After getting fairly drunk during his last night there, they ended up in the man’s room. However, the room was the attic of a barn above where goats slept and they absolutely did not lock the door because alcohol. Midway through coitus, they heard someone climbing up the steps but decided to ignore it anyways, because alcohol. The goat then headbutted the man midway through his little dance.
Hear and Now
A Chinese woman was left permanently deaf in one ear after her boyfriend had sucked on her ear. Apparently, he was going at it so hard that he sucked her eardrum out! The sucking had reduced the air pressure in her mouth, pulling the eardrum out and causing it to break down.
On the losing end
A man who had used cocaine realized that he could sustain a 3-hour erection on the drug. Pleased with himself, he decided to inject the drug directly into his urethra. This caused him to develop gangrene in his penis and he was forced to undergo surgery where he lost both his legs, 9 fingers and of course, his penis.