By Jeremy Say

As a true Michael Bae fanboy, it’s no surprise that he has made yet another excellent movie- Transformers: The Last Knight. Sadly (for all TRUE fans), this is supposed to be his last movie for the Transformers saga.. From classics like Bad Boys, The Rock and Armageddon, the only real blemish on his flawless record was Pearl Harbor. In his defense, it wasn’t totally his fault. Pearl Harbor was co-produced by that nonsensical Jerry Bruckheimer guy, geh.

Now before this gets derailed any further, I have to say that this movie was a blast. I mean, it truly captured the core of what people want in a robot smack down movie – an Arthurian tale. So think of honor and knights, all while you have explosions, people running away from explosions and of course, people/robots posing after the explosions. M Bae, you son of a b*tch, you have perfected the art and I swear that he has no rival on Earth.

With what I consider an amazing approach to a minimalistic plot, we are allowed to focus on the fast edits and chaotic robot action that we have all come to love from the Transformers franchise. I mean, you can’t take your eyes off the screen for a second without something exploding.

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Normally, I would add a spoiler warning here, but with Transformers: The Last Knight – I don’t have to. This is why I love reviewing Bae’s films. In fact, I immediately jumped at the chance to review his movies and I can’t understand why my coworkers didn’t want to watch Transformers with me. Who in their right mind would want to miss out on Bae’s American cinematic masterpiece?

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Come on, who doesn’t love those repetitive side characters in a Bae film? One example is this silly scientist who doesn’t believe in the whole Merlin Staff thing, the prophecy and how the chosen one will save the planet. What science believes in is hard numbers and physics, not unicorns and faeries. He reiterated (on multiple points) that he is basically a superstar scientist who will save the day. So, with little to no substance or plot point, this character only serves to annoy the audience and lets us indulge in petty schadenfreude when they are proven wrong.

Then of course, there are the bajillion cool characters Bae loves to introduces to his audience only once or twice throughout the whole film for our amusement, but that’s not what we’re here for. What really matters are the main characters and big names, like Optimus Prime (who is barely in the movie for dramatic effect) and Cade Yeager. Having almost destitute characters with their only mission to begrudgingly save the planet really speaks to the human soul. This time around, Bae even includes a very familiar looking female character with a very specific set of facial features and bone structure who plays a small but integral role in the movie – Vivian Wembly.

Bae even went as far as to use a Professor of English Literature at Oxford as the last remaining heir of Merlin. It was such a beautiful use for the character, I mean – she’s the only one who can stop the staff from sucking our planet dry. This is due to some DNA registration mechanic with the staff and can only be controlled by Merlin’s descendants.

While Yeager even had his big moment as the titular ‘Last Knight’, whose sole purpose is to save Optimus Prime. Yes you read correctly, he basically stopped the Cybertronian Knights of the Round Table, by himself, from chopping off his head for being the traitorous Nemesis Prime. Not only was the whole evil brainwashing thing from Quintessa, creator of the Cybertronians, a cool side plot, but like an Arthurian tale, Yeager’s inspired use of Excalibur stops the fight. Talk about saving the earth in the nick of time, because Optimus Prime can never truly die.

Even though the planets are colliding, nothing can truly stop the good guys. With Cybertron colliding with Earth and sucking it dry and Merlin’s Staff as the key to the whole planet draining issue, we really get a sweet planet on planet action. I mean, only M Bae could come up with this type of spectacle with such an epic scale. He’ll only be able to top himself by having two bigger planets collide. Well actually… that is not completely true. Bae has the foresight to set up Earth as Unicron, the enemy of Cybertron. With mysterious horns coming out of the Earth’s crust, beckoning Unicron’s awakening, this is one plot point that makes me glad to have a full movie on in the sequel. Thank you, Bae! We now have a planet sized Transformer to look forward to in the next installment (despite the loss of Bae’s directorship). Here is hoping the next director doesn’t screw up.

I could write more on Bae and how he’s the greatest, most patriotic director ever, but I now have an odd craving for a Bud Light while driving a Mercedes. Perhaps with a little blue Vespa strapped to the roof ,and of course a watch that killed Hitler. Bae, you truly make Hollywood and America proud!

Without going too much into the details (like the Master, Bae), I will also like to highlight the use of the Bechdel Test, which Bae proudly refuses to follow. Talk about a true pioneer of the film industry:

  1. The movie has at least two women in it. We have Quintessa (evil creator of Cybertronians), Vivian (the hot professor) and of course Izabella (a cussing 14 year old Latina tomboy). Easily the best diverse big Blockbuster movie out there.
  2. The women must talk to each other. We only get Vivian talking to her mother and aunts.
  3. The women must talk about something other than a man. The aunts’ first question is, “Have you found a man?” to Vivian. This is reiterated when they meet Cade and think they are having wild sex upstairs when searching Vivian’s father’s study for a clue about Merlin’s staff.

Now, of course no review is complete without a rating, so I’m giving it an 11/10 IGN. It would have gotten 12/10 if it simply had some Note 7’s in the movie.